The official Pawnee website states that Pawneeans are ‘moderately well educated’, making Pawnee an ‘acceptable’ location for business. With such accolades it’s little wonder Pawnee is home to Fortune 500 companies like Paunch Burger.
Pawnee business owners pride themselves on the existence of a form of customer service. For example, if Entertainment 720 was still around today, they’d happily facilitate, perform and botch the 720 surgeries required to transform me into Li’l Sebastian. Sweetums would assist by donating NutriYum bars to turn my teeth pony-rot-brown. And Jamm Orthodontia would ‘horsify’ my jawline and gums in exchange for my soul.
I miss the slightly unethical peeps of Pawnee. To ease my longing, I’ve written some fun taglines for various Pawnee businesses, brands and departments.
Business name: Gryzzl
Tagline: We put the PRY into PRYVACY
Business name: Entertainment 720
Tagline: Enjoy the boom. Embrace the bust.
Brand name: Li’L Sebastian
Tagline: As well loved as he was well hung
Business name: Tom’s Bistro
Tagline: New-world Italian cuisine. Sicily with swag.
Business name: Tilton & Radomski
Tagline: In pursuit of excellence & Ben Wyatt
Program name: The Final Word with Perd
Tagline: This is the slogan for my television news program. I have written it and you are reading it.
Business name: Paunch Burger
Tagline: Be thrice the person you want to be
Business name: Sweetums
Tagline: Think about the taste. Forget about your teeth.
Department name: Parks Department
Tagline: More red tape. Less green lights. We are committed to committees.
Department name: Pawnee Public Library
Tagline: The Tamminator’s Turf: You won’t be back!
Brand name: Mouse Rat
Tagline: Our name for now
Business name: Very Good Building & Development Company
Tagline: Hire us. Or don’t. End of tagline.
Business name: Snake Lounge
Tagline: We serve venom
Business name: Snake Juice.
Tagline: Fun. Fear. Fang-overs.
Brand name: Crazy Ira & The Douche
Tagline: Your airwaves. Our wind.
Business name: Jamm Orthodontia
Tagline: Putting the deceit back into dentistry
Business name: Jurassic Fork
Tagline: Your hunger will be history
Business name: JJ’s Diner
Tagline: Our waffles. Your weight gain.
The taglines I’ve written can’t compare to many of the actual taglines in the show, but I hope you’ve enjoyed them nonetheless. I think my favourite tagline is Pawnee’s current town slogan: “First in friendship. Fourth in obesity.” What can I say? Long live Zorp!
Have you created some of your own Pawnee taglines? Or want to request one for a Pawnee business or brand I’ve left out? Come and join me (and my 3 friends, which includes my dog) over on Facebook.
Pssssst! As you know, if you have a blog, brand, business or personal profile, you need a tagline. Want to write one yourself? Sign up for my newsletter so you can receive this mini eBook: 3 Business Slogans that suck (and how to make sure yours doesn’t). Or, I can write one for you, just as I did for this award-winning Hollywood stunt woman and all these businesses. Thanks for reading, you rock! ~ Lucinda 🙂